belonging
by tatty ted
Summary: He wants her, safe and sound before she does something terrible. - —Jay/Ruth.


**notes**: rated k plus but there's a little bit of swearing. nothing major.

**belonging**

I still love her! I _always_ will. She's my angel you see. My beautiful angel and I'd do anything I could to trust her again. I can't though.  
She broke my heart when she told me she had aborted _our _baby.

Okay, she didn't want it but what about me? I had a right to say something didn't I?

I love her that much I'd drop everything to be there for her. To help her through her pain but only if she wanted me there.

I'd hold her in my arms as she cried and sooth her like a parent would to their child. _That's love. _I just wish things could have turned out differently.

I needed to move on, find somebody else to share the rest of my life with but every woman I met never had anything on her. She was amazing, beautiful and funny. Those girls were nothing.

Or maybe they were, maybe I just didn't see it because I'm still not over her.

When he told me she was getting married earlier that afternoon, I saw it as my only chance. _I couldn't let her marry somebody she hardly knew. _What about us? There was still something there and I couldn't let her marry him. I just couldn't.

Once again I dropped everything for her. I had to stop the wedding! It was a huge mistake, I knew that but did she? I like to think she didn't love him she just didn't want to be lonely anymore.

I confessed everything to her on those stairs. _I told her how much she meant to me._

But it was too late. She still married him!

* * *

_I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him_.

It's no use, no matter how many times I say the same words it's still the same lie. I do love him; he was the only man I ever met that treated me like a princess. He understood me and nobody ever has before.

I blew my chance though! I aborted our baby all because I'd rather have a career then be a mother. I fucked the whole career opportunity up though didn't I? In the end I ended up, motherless, without a partner and a messed up career.

_I guess you could say it was my own fault. _This is between you and me but I miss him. We were good together, forever having a laugh. He was fun to be around but the moment we split up; I felt the black cloud again. _The dark hole was pulling me back!_

Somehow, somewhere I found the strength not to begin to suffer from depression again. I like to think Jay cured me from the darkness I used to feel. I don't know why I'm thinking about him especially on the most important days off my life.

_Maybe because it's the biggest mistake I'm going to make._ I was stood on those steps waiting for my fiancé to turn up when I saw him.  
Jay! All hot and sweaty, no doubt he had run here. He was always running. No wonder he had such a masculine body.

He told me how he felt. How much I meant to him but I declined to reveal my true feelings for him. I couldn't! It was my wedding day!  
I couldn't confess to loving another man. It was wrong right? _Not if you never stopped loving them! _

I told him I didn't love him and as he walked away, his heart obviously shattered again, the fiancé appeared and announced we were now about to get married. In that second as my eyes connected with his, I knew who I wanted to be with.

_I'm sorry_; I whispered as I kissed his cheek and made my way down the steps. Nervously scanning the room, I took a deep breath  
and headed towards the entrance, "Jay!" I called out hoping he was still nearby and able to hear me.

* * *

As I walked away from the registry office, I was certain I heard her voice call after me but I think I was hearing things.I wanted it that much I actually thought it was real. _It wasn't though was it?_ I turned the corner and lent against the wall, I wanted to cry!

The tears were in my eyes but I desperately wanted to stop them from falling. I didn't want to look like a weak guy,  
crying in a public place but my heart had been well and truly broken again. It was then when I heard her voice call me again.

_Surely I wasn't imagining it a second time._ I heard her heals and caught a glimpse of her go back the alley and I grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the alleyway.

A scream escaped her lips as she was obviously startled to who had grabbed her. I told her it was me and she relaxed before turning to face me.

* * *

He scared me! He pulled me into that alleyway and I didn't even know it was him. He laughed at me and as our eyes met for a moment or two, I stared helplessly into them.

Biting my lower lip, not one word spoken between us I just wanted to kiss his soft looking lips. He must have read my mind because he kissed me. Softly, gently and for a moment I didn't respond.

I had to be a hundred percent certain that this is what I wanted. After a couple of minutes, I deepened the kiss, my arms wrapped around his neck, his hands on my waist.

Breaking the kiss for a moment as I caught my breath back, I whispered three words I had wanted him to hear for so long,  
_I love you!_ I told him I'd like a second chance to prove how sorry I was about everything that had gone wrong.

He whispered he'd like that before kissing me again but this time for a lot longer.

* * *

**a/n**: if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review.


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